Romeo and Juliet Unedited!
by CrystalSaffron
Summary: A little play on the balcony scene. It's both amusing and scary.


This is a redo of the balcony scene between Juliet and Romeo. Though I loved the story, I was forced to redo this scene for English Class. Scary. Frightening. Amusing. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, I own NOTHING! They belong to good ole' William. I'm simply borrowing them.  
  
Dedication: To my lovely friend Persis who helped me with this! She forced me to be the guy of course. No hard feelings though! Well, not many anyway.  
  
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Romeo&Juliet  
  
Unedited!  
The Balcony Scene: Take 1  
Romeo: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?  
Juliet: My window's not broken..Did you break my window?  
Romeo: I wasn't talking about the window!  
  
Juliet: (Pause) You broke my window didn't you.  
  
Romeo: Let's just move on. (looks guilty and after a look from Juliet continue) I'm sorry! Oook?! Anyway, It is the East, and Juliet is the sun. Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief, That thou her maid are far more fair than she. Be not her maid since she is envious, Her vestal livery is but sick and green-  
  
Juliet: Wait, how can the moon be jealous? That's so dumb!  
  
Romeo: The moon is made of cheese. That's why it's green.  
  
Juliet: You just said that.  
  
Romeo: (shakes head and continues) And none but fools do wear it; cast it off. It is my lady, o it is my love. O that she knew she were. She speaks, yet she says nothing; what of that? Her eye discourses, I will answer it. I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks. Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes To twinkle in the spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head?  
  
Juliet: Of course they're in my head! Where are your eyes?  
  
Romeo: In my head as well. (under breath) which is more than I can say for your brain. The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven so bright, That birds would sing, and think it were not night. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. O that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek.  
  
Juliet: Ay me! Romeo: That's all you can say? I just gave a giant speech and that's all you can say?! (Juliet shrugs and Romeo continues in a slightly agitated voice.)  
  
Romeo: She speaks. O speak again dim angel, for thou art As glorious to this night being o'er my head, As a winged messenger of heaven Unto the white-upturned wond'ring eyes Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him, When he bestrides the lazy pacing clouds, And sails upon the bosom of the air. (after finish wait a second a clear throat.)  
  
Juliet: (Eyes wandering around and she finally realizes it's her turn.) Oh! Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?..What kind of a name is Romeo anyway? Why couldn't you be named Mike or Jim or something. Romeo sounds so tragic. (continue speech) Deny thy father, and refuse thy name.  
  
Romeo: Why should I? Maybe I should just kill myself! That'll be tragic!  
  
Juliet: Fine, Or if thou wilt not, be sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet.  
  
Romeo: So then what'll you be?  
  
Juliet: It doesn't matter..I just won't be a Capulet.  
  
Romeo: Shall I hear more or shall I speak of..  
  
Juliet: Why don't be quiet cause I'm not done yet. (continue w/speech) 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy. Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand nor foot, Nor arm nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O be some other name. What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other word would smell as sweet.  
  
Romeo: Would you call manure a rose, cause that smells pretty nasty?! (blank stare by Juliet)  
  
Juliet: (Continue w/speech) So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title, Romeo doff thy name, And for thy name which is no part of thee, Take all myself.  
  
Romeo: I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo.  
  
Juliet: Fine. I'll call you Hatshepsut if you don't want to be called Romeo.  
  
Romeo: But that's a girls (stress girl) name!  
  
Juliet: What man art thou, that thus be.bes.(have trouble with the word) Why can't we talk in English! We sound more confusing every word! (say agitatedly and slightly angry.)  
  
Romeo: Fine! Talk in English! Just get on with the speech! I need an A!  
  
Juliet: Where did you come from, considering that there's a ten-foot wall around my entire house?  
  
Romeo: Well, I sorta stole a ladder and tried to climb the wall, but it broke, but I'm ok now.  
  
Juliet: Really..that's too bad.  
  
Romeo: Then I climbed up the tree only to have a fight with this feisty squirrel. He threw acorns at me till the branch broke. So finally I gave your guard something to put him to sleep and snuck around your house.  
  
Juliet: If they do see thee, they will murder thee.  
  
Romeo: Alack there lies more peril in thine eye Than twenty of their swords; look thou but sweet, And I am proof against their enmity. But seriously, don't let them find out cause I don't feel like dying today, so sorry.  
  
Juliet: (slowly, dragged out say the next word) aaaaaaaaallllllllllllllrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhttt. Anyway, I did have this whole speech planned, but now it seems redundant so I'll just but it in the simplest form: I think, I might, maybe, probably, possibly love you. But it's only been one day.  
  
Romeo: Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear, That tips with silver all these fruit tree tops-  
  
Juliet: Don't swear!!! It's not nice! Would you like to have your mouth washed out with soap?!  
  
Romeo: Fine, what should I vow by? (stress vow)  
  
Juliet: (stress vow) Vow on yourself, the night is too inconsistent. Wait.I hear something..(juliet exit) (juliet return)..Ok, I'm back.  
  
Romeo: If thou love me, than thou will-  
  
Juliet: (interrupting) Wait, I hear something! (exit again and then return)  
  
Romeo: .marry me.  
  
Juliet: Ok, fine. Let's just go to Vegas.  
  
Romeo: I don't know that's a little price-y for me.  
  
Juliet: It doesn't matter! Hold on for a second.(leaves to talk to nurse, make mumbling noises to imitate nurse) (Return) A thousand times good night!  
  
Romeo: Why a thousand times? You want to get rid of me? You can't take the time to say good night a thousand times?  
  
Juliet: Fine, but you first.  
  
Romeo: In your dreams! It will be wasting time I could be using for my beauty sleep. (say in a type of "Duh" voice) You don't think I have a face like this without a lot of work going into it.  
  
Juliet: Your beauty sleep doesn't seem to be working but I need mine. (Romeo secretly rolls eyes to the audience/juliet does a type of pose. Then after a second return to normal positions.) Goodnight, goodnight, parting is such sweet sorrow.  
Romeo: Why don't we just say goodnight once and get it over with..I really have to get my rest.  
  
Juliet: Whatever..goodnight.  
  
Romeo: Goodnight (exit Romeo. End scene.)  
The End? (yes)  
(I warned you) 


End file.
